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January 5th, 2004


12:39 pm
my god. what a morning... sometimes , its always when you are tired, and relaxed, thinking today is going to be a nice day, that things happen.. like your landlord coming home and freaking out about stupid stuff, like your car not only being burried but not starting, so you have to get it towed, on top of being almost late to work because you are walking, and your car is getting towed... like one of your good friends going missing and worrying about them because they were driving in a shitty car and you cant get a hold of them and they were supposed to come over....like remembering how last night in a sleepy haze of sitting alone and watching tv you think of things and act on them, even when it might not be that prudent....
ideas always sound better when you are alone and half asleep, god forbid you should actually follow through, because then you feel like a stupid shit.
so at this point, im tired, stressed , broke (they charge so much for towing), embarrased, and feeling completly idiotic and drained.. fun...
Current Mood: crappycrappy

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January 4th, 2004


12:17 pm
im beginning to think maybe he was right. yes, he very well could have been, as painful as that is to admit... my 7th grade art teacher that is, the one who told me never to bother with art again, that there wasnt any point... i amaze myself daily with my lack of talent,.. not just in art, in everthing, its almost a source of entertainment for me these days, 'look how shitty i am at this new thing im trying!'
someday i hope, perchance, fate willing, that i will find soemthing that i am good at...
until then, i am simply, useless =)
Current Mood: amusedamused

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January 3rd, 2004


11:30 am - may he have mercy on their souls.
customers...... yes yes i know its all been said, but sometimes they really get to me... they never seem to get the point (no mattter how many times i tell them) that a) it takes about 15 hours to fire... yes that long, meaning of course we cant do it while you wait, in the afternoon ... that b) you cannot only fire one thing in a commercial kiln, the temperature will be off... that c) this is a place for people to come and be creative, not a place for someone else (namly the only employee, me) to paint for you... that is not my job.
so this skiiing tourist woman from florida (she seems to think it necesary to repeat this after everything she says 'we just got back from the montain, we are from florida. i dont know bend well, we are from florida. its cold here, we are from florida. do you have pencils? we are from florida. so can it be ready tonight?we are from florida,''
breath bonnie, count to 10.. its ok to get pissed off sometimes...
ok. sorry about that.. i was getting angry again.
i just want some coffee... is that too much to ask? and maybe some birthday cake, i love birthday cake.

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January 2nd, 2004


11:50 am
alot of things in life deserve closure, however, some do not. its sometimes hard for me to differentiate between those which do and those which do not.. i would like to think everything, anything, deserves to be finished, and yet the world agrees not. its sort of like reading a 400 page book to page 352 and then never finishing it, and not wanting to,.. i dont understand, even if its a shitty book you ought to read those last 48 pages... so its over and done with.
enough of that though, there is a man outside my work unloading boxes of frozen fish onto a cart, yummy.

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December 26th, 2003


12:39 pm
oh yeah i learned the most interesting thing last night, apparently, the most likely way you will ever get murdered is by a member of your family, on christmas.

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12:31 pm
wow.... its amazing how something that should be really a nice joyous holiday can turn to such shit.... my family has this amazing gift of making me lose my composure and restraint... it went ok for a couple of hours then my dad started bitching at me.,,, andi was about to go feel sorry for myself when i remembered i could just leave.. so i did... and my older brothers back from marine bootcamp and is all weird... i think the high point of my day was when my baby bro gave me a real live venus fly trap... what a cool present... hes such a good kid, i worry about him having to spend so much time with my family out there, i dont want him to be like them... hes so nice and sensative and thoughtful, and pretty openminded- now... maybe i should kidnap him and have him come live with me,,, maybe not though,..
so i got home, and read by myself for a while, trying to soothe my mind and forget the family, and i walked down to riverside to say hi to sara and mo (i do that alot, huh) and ran into some people i know, and they invited me over for a bit of a party, it was amusing seeing as how they were all quite a bit older than me (mid-thirties mostly) and really, they werent much different than me,,, i was glad i went over, spending the night alone with my book was an ok idea, but i had a much better time with them... and their madonna mix cd.. hah,,
im just so drained now, and tonight im having a party for my friends bday at my house, and its really messy so i have to somehow get home early and clean it all up,.... and learn how to care for a venus fly trap.. im not really sure what im supposed to do with it....
any suggestions???
Current Mood: draineddrained

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December 24th, 2003


02:07 pm - im so bored
i get off work in aproximatly 2 hours, must rush home and clean like mad, for i shall be having guests tonight.... i dont really have any decorations but i do have these pink flamingo lights which im going to put up, heh...
so yes, i am bored out of my mind, no one is here, i mean, on the days that it isnt crazy busy, there isnt ever anyone here, so i sit here all alone... doing boring things on the internet...
and tomorrow... god i hate holidays i have to go visit my family... which should prove to be terrible/... it usually is... and my brother just got back from bootcamp and he seems different... its weird..
so last night, as i was all alone at my house, (cuz silly roomate went to the bahamas and left me here) i decided to watch the movie i rented the other day, it was called 28 days later... it was quite good, i watched all of the alternate endings.... though i was suprised there wasnt and ending with them all dying,, that would have been dramatic..oh well.... then i had trouble going to sleep cuz i was all alone in my house,,, how silly is that, like someone will rob a tiny little westside house with no furnature... hah. i was kinda scared anyways =) im so dumb sometimes..
well i hope everyone has an entertaining holiday, if nothing else....
Current Mood: enthralledenthralled
Current Music: the great music hits of 1997 -- hah~

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December 22nd, 2003


05:47 pm - inukititut????
Inuktitut
Youarechosentospeak INUKTITUT,
thelanguageoftheesikimos
whoarelivinginGreenland.


What language are you supposed to speak?
brought to you by Quizilla

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December 18th, 2003


07:14 pm
last night was terribly odd..moreso than any other evening of late...
after having been a bit bored i decided to sit on my porch for a breath of fresh air,... it was a nice chilly evening and as i sat there with my roomate my neighbor pulled up in one of his work vans... he was accompanied by two other gentlement, and they invited us over for a bit.... so we went over, chilled, socialised, it was nice, except for the third guy who was a complete fucking idiot... he said repeatedly, and im still not sure why, 'im an american, and i have the right to make a buck' while he simutaniously hand motioned that money thing... that bothers me anyways, but yeah... he was a little hard to deal with.. however i was good and refrained from any violent acts that his useless coments could have potentially led me to.
then they gave us free tickets to that thing at the domino room last night, some r&b rap thingy, so we went..
seeing as how i dont really listen to that sort of music, and am not really part of that scene, i knew a good 63% of the people there... it was odd.. i kept running into people i knew and them being like 'what are you doing here?' and me like 'i dunno, what are you doing here?'
my roomate then proceded to get all paranoid and think everyone was talking about her, so we left.... odd... odd indeed....tonight? tonight i shall think, ponder, and mull over the many pressing issues in my mind... maybe deal with some, maybe wait for the others to be dealt with... thinking... of things..... theres lots of stuff that im just not quite sure about, and when you let yourself continue a thought in the direction that reality was not taking it you border on danger... some things i could think about and never really underdstand, some have to be explained by others... i dont know... i never do.. i dont know why i even bother...
Current Mood: listlesslistless
Current Music: soul streeeeeeet

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December 9th, 2003


06:56 pm
do you ever feel like things you've built, things youve spent time and energy on, erode away, slipping between your fingers and there isnt anything you can do about it..... you sort of watch it happen, helpless, unable to fix anything...sometimes you understand, sometimes you dont... it doesnt really matter in the end..
you'll start to notice a sudden trend, put 2 and 2 together, see how it changes, and yet you dont act, or if you do it only worsesns the situation...
oh well... blablablablabla... thats all i really ever have to say.

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